Imagine the scene.
Someone organizes a meeting with a well-planned agenda. You have the right senior leaders of the company in the room. The topic is of high importance and comes during a particularly hectic and stressful week. You want the meeting to produce a clear and specific path forward.
Is anybody listening to the conversation?
Check these signs to see if you are guilty of any of these indicators that you aren’t present?
- Is your iPhone in your hand and used during frequently during the meeting?
- Do you speak before you even get a chance to think, process the comments and make sure that you are adding something necessary to the conversation?
- Are you focused on your to-do list or the next meeting instead of where you are?
- Are you present in the meeting or is your mind wandering?
- Are you and your colleagues talking over each other or having multiple conversations?
9 Tips to be an Active Listener
Here are a few tips to improve your listening skills. Some are obvious and others may surprise you.
- LAST SPEAKER: Be the last person to comment on the topic at hand. Wait until everyone else speaks so you can hear what others think.
- 15 SECOND RULE: Wait at least 15 seconds when you are called on to speak to gather your thoughts and make sure you know what you want to say. It is okay to pause before you speak. That way, you hear and process the question.
- DON’T TOUCH: Do not pick up your phone. Leave it in front of you on silent or vibrate so you can see if an emergency call comes in, but don’t allow yourself to touch it during the sessions. Only check your email once per hour. (I know it’s hard, but you’ll survive)
- BREATH: Take deep breaths at least once every 15 minutes during the meeting to make you conscious of your breathing and mindful of being in the room. Stay focused. Stay in the present moment.
- PAY ATTENTION TO DETAILS: Notice a detail about each speaker so you are concentrating on them. It can be the color of a shirt or the pen they are holding. By focusing on a detail, you are also putting your attention toward what they are saying.
- SUMMARIZE WHAT YOU HEAR: Take notes that summarizes strongly held points of view- not minor comments. Jim really believes we should switch distributors because of a conflict. Mary urged the team not to move to quickly on this decision without talking in person the distributor. Anne seemed ambivalent about the decision either way since she thinks the bigger problem relates to our product’s price.
- ALIGN AND REPEAT: When you do speak, an active listener will say things like, “this is what I have heard. Jim believes this, Mary believes that and Anne appears ambivalent. This restating helps you align what you heard with the speaker’s intention.
- ASK A QUESTION: When you are actively listening, you are able to understand the subtle aspects of an argument. You hear in an inflection some willingness to compromise, to shift positions or to consider more information. Active listeners succeed because they see new paths forwards. Consider a question instead of a statement when it is your turn to talk.
- DON’T GO TO THE MEETING If you are struggling with paying attention during a meeting, perhaps you shouldn’t attend. Sometimes it is important to get clarity about where you need to spend your time. Perhaps your distraction is well-placed and your attention needs to be on another more important issue. Just say no.
This Moment
Listening is about being present in the moment. The past is gone. The future hasn’t arrived. All you have is the moment. By listening and being self-conscious of what is going on right now you and your colleagues will benefit with better actions.
Some of the smartest people I have worked with said very little at meetings until the end because they were listening to the opinions of others. They carefully formulated their views and, at the end shared them in summary.
Could your meetings benefit from attendees listening more and talking less?
Photo by kyle smith on Unsplash
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