Do you know the word sonder?
It means the profound feeling of realizing that everyone, including strangers passing in the street, has a life as complex as one’s own, which they are constantly living despite one’s lack of awareness of it.
Consider making the new year one, where you recognize that you have no idea what someone else is going through in their lives before you judge others. This applies to your business and your personal life.
In my Calm app for meditation this week, Tamara Levitt told the story of Steven Covey being on a train in NYC many years ago.
The Man on the Subway – From Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey
“I remember a mini paradigm shift I experienced one Sunday morning on a subway in New York. People were sitting quietly – some reading newspapers, some lost in thought, some resting with their eyes closed. It was a calm, peaceful scene.
Then suddenly, a man and his children entered the subway car. The children were so loud and rambunctious that instantly the whole climate changed.
The man sat beside me and closed his eyes, oblivious to the situation. The children yelled back and forth, throwing things, and even grabbing people’s papers. It was very disturbing. And yet, the man sitting next to me did nothing.
It was difficult not to feel irritated. I could not believe that he could be so insensitive as to let his children run wild like that and do nothing about it, taking no responsibility at all. It was easy to see that everyone else on the subway felt irritated, too.
So finally, with what I felt like was unusual patience and restraint, I turned to him and said, “Sir, your children are really disturbing a lot of people. I wonder if you couldn’t control them a little more?”
The man lifted his gaze as if to come to a consciousness of the situation for the first time and said softly, “Oh, you’re right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital where their mother died about an hour ago. I don’t know what they think, and they don’t know how to handle it either.”
Can you imagine what I felt at that moment?
My paradigm shifted. Suddenly I saw things differently, and because I saw differently, I thought differently, I felt differently, I behaved differently. My irritation vanished. I didn’t have to worry about controlling my attitude or my behavior; my heart was filled with the man’s pain.
Feelings of sympathy and compassion flowed freely. “Your wife just died? Oh, I’m so sorry! Can you tell me about it? What can I do to help?”
Everything changed in an instant.”
Sonder is about Shifting Paradigms, Being More Human
Covey’s attitude instantly shifted, recognizing that he had no idea what someone else was experiencing. And that judgment was unproductive.
Make 2023 a year where you don’t judge but find a way to empathize with people you meet.
Sonder.
It might make you a much better marketer – but more importantly, it will help you find your humanity.
I wish you a happy, healthy, and more human New Year.
Copyright Steven Covey Seven Habits of Highly Effective People; all rights reserved.
You can set up a time to chat with me about your marketing challenges using my calendar. Email me jeffslater@themarketingsage.com Call me. 919 720 0995. The conversation is free, and we can explore if working together makes sense. Watch a short video about working with me.
Image from Pixabay
