On January 23, at 7:48 am, I turn 70.
This is my first birthday without my Mom, Bea Slater.
She always sent me a birthday card at least one week before my birthday. Like seeing the crocus pop up in the yard in February, reminding me spring was coming, Mom’s early birthday card was a moment signaling the arrival of another year.
Her flowery Hallmark card always included a check I never cashed but kept to remember her beautiful cursive handwriting and the little stickers she attached. There were always stickers of bees.
I’m holding on tightly to last year’s card.
Bea’s Book of Life
All birthdays were memorialized in Mom’s birthday book, which she kept for eight decades.
Every birth, anniversary, and death were inscribed in her little blue book of life.
She’d cross out those who passed and joyfully add the latest great-grandchild.
The inscription on my birthdate, besides the day of the week and time, includes a preprinted horoscope:
You are somewhat obstinate and challenging; driving you to do anything is hard. Only those who know your weakness can rule you. You are well-liked and respected by everyone. You will live a happily married life.
That inscription always made me smile. Me, obstinate?
But today, I acknowledge that I’m getting older.
I’m turning into 70-year-old Jeff.
And as obstinate as I am about some things – I can’t do anything about what my grandfather, Poppa George, called – that Tempus Fugit thing – (Latin for time flies).
I get it. And I accept it.
About Time
The one thing all of us share is that our time is limited.
We don’t live forever. And I have come to deeply understand why that’s so powerful and essential to a good life.
My Mom’s recent passing at 96 only reinforces this point that slowly, over time, things break down and don’t work as well. She had multiple health issues in her last few years as her body couldn’t rebound and heal. But, her spirit seemed timeless.
We celebrated a life well lived in December and on January 3, at her funeral.
She was in declining health after breaking her hip, getting surgery, going to rehab, and then getting COVID-19. I calculated she lived for 35,222 days, and the last thousand days were challenging.
35,222 are a lot of days; I still want one more.
You can read more about my Mom and see my eulogy here.
If my math is correct, I’m at day 25,550 of my life. Will I have 10,000 more days? I hope so if I can be like Mom.
I have learned some helpful lessons during my 70 years of spinning around the planet. I want to share with those of you who are friends, family, or connections. Thank you for indulging me.
Cliché Aren’t Wrong
The word cliché comes from the 1820s when printing presses repeatedly used plates to make the same image. Every impression is identical when you use a printing plate or cliche.
One cliché I understand through my decades is that life is short – and you live your life in the moments.
Living in the past or the future is fraught with anxiety, pain, and distress. What we only have now is trite, yet it is one of life’s most valued lessons.
I have worked hard throughout my life to be present – truly present in the lives of my family and close friends. I try hard to be there with them.
The expression that life is short truly speaks to the notion that all we have is right now. Looking back with regrets is such a waste of calories. Worrying about the future is futile.
Life is this moment. And then this moment.
I’m still a work in progress. As you may know, my blog is technically called – MomentSlater because I wanted that reminder of how the moment matters.
As a photographer, in 1/250th of a second, I could record an instant that could last forever. From age fourteen until twenty-five, I was always attached to a camera.
Being close to my family and working hard to suspend judgment means that I put love, kindness. and compassion first. I try hard to park expectations elsewhere and recognize what is – not what I wish or think things should be.
I knew my 5 o’clock phone call routine with my Mom wouldn’t last forever, although my youngest daughter, Fanny, decided she’d call me at five each day to check-in. It is remarkably comforting to hear the phone ring as the sun sets.
Cliches can be helpful. Be kind to your friends. Help people you don’t know.
Live in this moment. Be present.
The Life Lesson: All we have is now. Worry about the past or stressing about tomorrow sucks up your energy.
Don’t Be an Employee Forever – Take Some Risks
When I started working as a teenager, I got to experience what it is like to be self-employed. I worked with my grandfather, photographing kids at summer camps and doing other small commercial jobs.
I loved working with Poppa George; it lit an entrepreneurial fuse that continues to burn today. Years later, when I joined my wife and we built Rachel’s Brownies, our wholesale bakery business, I had no clue what we were doing.
But I loved that I got to oversee my fate.
Success or failure came from our efforts, not from some boss in the corner office. Half of my life has been spent as an entrepreneur and half in the corporate world. I’m grateful for both experiences.
Working for others wasn’t bad. I worked with many brilliant people when I was a part of GoodMark Foods and then briefly at ConAgra. They were kind and generous and became influential mentors to help me fortify my marketing chops. Then, I got other opportunities to work with some wonderful people in the wine world, from whom I continued learning at Nomacorc.
But in my 60s, I realized no one wanted to hire a 60-year-old marketing guy, so I tapped into my entrepreneurial muscle and started my consulting business, The Marketing Sage. A sage is wise through experience. I loved that positioning. I loved starting a business at age 62.
I figured it out along the way.
I made many mistakes but got to oversee my fate. If things went wrong, I couldn’t blame anyone but myself. If things went right, I could feel good about my efforts.
I had many fears, but as a consultant, instead of having one boss – I had many. I didn’t worry about being fired from a job. I had several jobs. And to this day, I remain fortunate for the work I can do.
Believe in yourself and your ability to carve out a niche professionally. Don’t be so dependent on an organization to provide for you. They’ll end up disappointing you.
Ask someone who has worked hard for 20 years only to be let go because of cost reductions, a new direction, or management changes. Companies aren’t families – they tend to be ruthless, and frequently, people don’t come first. Families don’t restructure you out of a job or “let you go.”
I know it’s hard to go out on your own. And I know there is something comforting like a warm blanket about a regular paycheck. But when you learn that your job, department, division, or company is going away – you’ll see how risky it can be to be an employee.
The life lesson: Take risks and do something independently to have a plan B. Don’t get addicted to the W2. Experience being untethered to a company – even for a little while.
Admit Your Mistakes. Do Better Each Day
There is something freeing in aging. You can recognize some stupid stuff you did throughout your life and career. And, you can also say – how do I not do those things again? You can apologize to those you hurt or ignored.
I live by the notion that each day can encapsulate your life. How do you want to spend your day? Live each day as you want your life to go.
Here are a few things I have learned and am still trying to perfect:
- Practice gratitude before the day begins. I find meditation helpful.
- Stop judging others. It is their life. Let go of being a judgmental person who holds grudges.
- Don’t envy others. Be grateful for what is in your life. I love the cliché of the glass being half full. My glass is always half full, never half empty.
- Be helpful even if you do one thing daily that serves someone else’s needs without expecting something in return.
- Eat well. Take a daily walk. Nourish those you love with food, love, and support.
- Use your skills and talents to leave the world a better place.
- Be patient with yourself and with others. No one knows what everyone else is carrying as emotional baggage. The word sonder means realizing that everyone, including strangers passing in the street, has a life as complex as one’s own, which they are constantly living despite one’s lack of awareness.
The Life Lessons: Embrace how cathartic it can be to say – boy, have I screwed things up, but I get a chance to reboot again. Hug the moments as they unfold. Find a way to be helpful every day.
70 Is Just a Number and the Impermanence of Age
I’ll admit that 70 feels like a fat number that signals I’m getting old. I always had my birthday first each year among my childhood friends since I was a few months older. My oldest friends know why I secretly wish I was 32 again. (Hint: 32 has always been a funny number).
I’m also embracing my age as a badge of honor. I love it when I get a chance in a meeting to fess up to how old I am. Maybe it’s because I look a bit younger than my age.
Something oddly freeing is being the oldest person in the Zoom room. My Dad used to talk about being one of the “grey hairs” in the room. Today, I am one of them.
I watched a documentary last week about Buddhist monks creating a mandala. It is a form of spiritual practice and artistic expression.
Mandalas are intricate geometric patterns or diagrams with symbolic and spiritual significance in various religious traditions, including Buddhism.
Despite the time and effort invested in creating mandalas, they are impermanent. This impermanence reflects the Buddhist concept of the transitory nature of all things, reinforcing the idea that attachment to material forms leads to suffering.
After spending hours creating these gorgeous mandalas, they destroy the beautiful artwork and put the colored sand back into a river or stream.
Letting go and embracing impermanence is the purpose of creating a mandala or living a life. The more I see the impermanence of life, the more I can be present and embrace every moment.
My birthday wish is to remember to celebrate my moments—every day with my wife, daughters and their partners, our grandson Bodhi, my siblings, cousins, and all my nieces and nephews – and the great nieces and nephews. I’m fortunate to have a small group of friends who I cherish.
I want to squeeze every drop of juice out of each moment, like watching our grandson Bodhi dancing with joy with his arms flailing as he celebrates a moment of happiness. He is like a little whirling dervish, spinning, singing and celebrating the moments.
Happy birthday to me – in this moment. I know how blessed and grateful I am to be healthy and loved.
I know a birthday card from Mom won’t appear in my mail. Although I eagerly have been checking the mailbox each day – hoping.
If I have one wish for today, remember that your life is in this moment, too. Savor it. Taste it. Smell its fragrance. Breathe in, and breathe out this moment of your life.
All any of us have is right now.
You can set up a time to chat with me about your marketing challenges using my calendar. Email me jeffslater@themarketingsage.com Call me. 919 720 0995. The conversation is free, and we can explore if working together makes sense. Watch a short video about working with me.
